New Volkswagen Tiguan Launched

The all-new Volkswagen Tiguan is here, and it's flexing hard in the SUV world. You know, the car you get when you want to look like you're going camping but actually just heading to the grocery store. And let’s be honest, with a 652-litre boot, it’s more about fitting bulk toilet paper than wilderness survival kits.

First things first, let’s talk about that “charismatic design.” VW seems to think that by adding a glass-covered horizontal bar with LEDs, they’ve reinvented the wheel (or at least the front of the car). Sure, it looks sleek and modern, but if you’re like most people, you’ll be distracted by the fact that it doesn’t even have a radiator grille anymore. Don’t worry, that horizontal LED strip will have you covered... at least until it’s obscured by dirt and road grime after a week on the road.

Volkswagen claims they’ve improved the drag coefficient from 0.33 to 0.28—because if there’s one thing you’ve always complained about in your family SUV, it’s that drag coefficient, right?

But the fun doesn’t stop there. Inside, you get a 12.9-inch or, for the size junkies out there, a 15-inch infotainment screen. This thing is packed with digital wizardry, from voice assistants that pretend to understand your mumbling to new backlit sliders that, let’s be real, you’ll fumble with the first 27 times trying to adjust the temperature. At least the fancy touchscreen will keep your kids entertained as you fail to navigate it while screaming at them from the driver's seat.

Now, let’s talk about those optional ergoActive seats, which sound more like a piece of gym equipment than something you sit on. They come with a 10-chamber massage function. If you’re still tense after dealing with your in-laws, maybe this seat is for you. And for those of you who think “more lights, more safety,” the new HD Matrix headlights with 38,400 LEDs will practically turn night into day and blind half the neighborhood while you’re at it.

Under the hood, the engine options aren’t mind-blowing, but then again, you’re not buying this to drag race. The 1.4 TSI engine does 0-100 in 9.2 seconds, which is probably fast enough for your weekend getaway to... Woolworths.

All this comes at a starting price of only R651,500. But don’t worry, if that’s a bit steep, you can always sell the kids. After all, the new Tiguan has more than enough space for all the important things in life—like that fancy coffee machine you’ll definitely use once a year.

In conclusion, the new Tiguan is everything you never knew you needed in an SUV: it’s got the tech, the lights, the drag coefficient, and a price tag that’ll keep you working hard at that desk job just a little longer. Enjoy the ride!

Specifications at a Glance:

• Engine: 1.4 TSI, 110 kW

• Transmission: 7-speed DSG

• Torque: 250 Nm

• 0-100 km/h: 9.2 seconds

• Top Speed: 207 km/h

• Fuel Economy: Probably better than your old SUV, but still won’t make you drive slower.

• Luggage Capacity: 652 litres of ‘Do we really need that many bags for a weekend?’

• Price: Starts at R651,500

Images : VW