Why Meetings That Could Be Emails Are a Violation of Human Rights.

Let’s start with the obvious: meetings that could have been emails are the modern-day equivalent of the public stocks. Except, instead of being pelted with rotten vegetables, you’re stuck in a room (or worse, a Zoom) for 45 minutes of soul-sucking boredom, as someone goes on about the same thing they could’ve told you in three lines of text. No, this isn’t just an inconvenience. This is an attack on your very right to happiness, freedom, and productivity.

The Geneva Convention on Email vs. Meeting

I haven’t read the Geneva Convention, but I’m fairly sure there’s something in there about not forcing people to endure unnecessary meetings. It’s probably under the “Cruel and Unusual Punishments” section. When you’re in a meeting that could have been an email, your basic human right to time—time you could spend doing literally anything else, like breathing or binge-watching cat videos—is being stolen from you.

Think of all the things you could accomplish in the time you spend staring at a PowerPoint slide titled “Agenda” while internally screaming. You could reply to actual important emails, tackle a to-do list, or even enjoy a sandwich in peace. But no, you’re stuck listening to Carl from accounting explain last quarter’s numbers with all the enthusiasm of a sloth on Nyquil.

The Psychological Torture of Pointless Meetings

Have you ever noticed how your energy levels plummet the moment the meeting invite pops up on your calendar? That's not a coincidence. It’s because your brain knows it's about to endure psychological torture. Pointless meetings are the corporate version of Groundhog Day, except Bill Murray got to break the loop by learning life lessons. We, however, are stuck in an endless cycle of "can you see my screen?" and "we'll circle back on that."

No one ever circles back. They just want to stop talking.

Email: The Savior We Don’t Deserve

Emails, on the other hand, are quick, efficient, and merciful. They don't require you to fake attentiveness or nod along when you’d rather be anywhere else. With an email, you can digest information at your own pace, respond when you’re ready, and—here’s the kicker—get actual work done in between. Meetings demand you to be present. Emails respect your time and space like a considerate roommate.

So the next time someone schedules a "quick sync," remind them that they’re infringing on your right to live a life free from unnecessary blather. The solution? Send an email. The real MVP of human communication.

In conclusion, unnecessary meetings are nothing short of human rights violations. We demand better. We demand emails.